Surviving on Letters

So I entitled this blog Marrying the Marine Corps, Dating the Army but I really haven't talked much about the Marine Corps side. I guess it hit me that I am 21 and I have atleast the next 6 years completely planned out and I wasn't sure I liked the direction. It was more of a panic attack because it looked like it wasn't going to work out. So I leave for OCS in 14 days and I am as nervous as hell. I am scared I am less prepared than last year. I am scared that I am going to let people down, but most importantly I am going to let myself down. Last week for the first time ever I got a perfect score on my crunches AND flexed arm hang. But my run time is still failing by 2 minutes. My last chance is next Friday and I am praying that I will make it. I need to make it. This is every hope and dream I have had for the last 2 years. This is biggest test of my life and I can not fail it, that is not an option. And honestly the only thing that might get me through this is the support of my awesome and loving boyfriend.

I feel like I survive day to day based on whether I hear from him or get a letter in the mail. I got my first two letters in the mail yesterday! They were beautiful and they hit home to say the least. He meant every word he wrote and every word touched my heart and in that instant I didn't feel alone at all. I smile, laughed, and cried all at the same time. He wiped away every doubt I have ever had in my life and I know for sure he is the one for me. It is weird because i haven't heard his voice in 3 weeks but it feels I talked to him because we talked on facebook. That little bit of contact just reassures me and gets me through the week to the weekend when I get to talk to him next.

I will say I have found the best way to distract myself... 2 jobs... at Walmart and Target. I feel like a double agent some days but then again they both run their companies so differently and I think Walmart is clearly better at it. I barely find time to do day to day chores, let alone really worry about Jeremiah. Except for when I miss his phone call because I am working... that sucks and makes me hate working so much. On the upside I am not as worried about money because I am getting 2 paychecks. I used one to pay off my credit card bill and the other I get to use to put into savings. I am also able to put more away for Jeremiah's care packages... I guess it all evens out in the end. I am just worried sometimes I am running myself into the ground for no reason but then I realize its because of so many things... #1 being Jeremiah. He is absolutely the most important thing in my life and always will be. I told his step mom about the letters and I said I felt spoiled because I got 2. She said I am spoiled because he never talks to anyone else. And I told her how awful I felt. He said it was a good thing because I am the most important thing in his life. I am just so glad that I met the man of my dreams who believes in me no matter what I do it seems. Just thinking of him makes me smile from ear to ear and he is what gets me through those hard days when I just want to quit everything... He is my rock, he is my everything, even from 6,000 miles away... I love Jeremiah Donald Bostic with all of my heart.